You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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