The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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