So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
