I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
