She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
