Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
