If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You need Xanax blowdarts
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
