i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
