Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
