I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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