i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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