i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
