im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
