I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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