I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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