I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
