It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
