The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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