I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
