Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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