you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
