She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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