he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
