Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
