dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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