Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
