You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
