He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
