He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
