I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize