Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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