I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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