how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
