I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
