i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
