He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
