Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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