I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
