woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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