he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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