I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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