oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
