i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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