Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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