God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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