Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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