Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize