Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
