Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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