That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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