No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
