Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
