What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
