I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
