i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
