I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
