Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
