I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize