this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
