I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
