the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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