some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im part way to drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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