i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
