Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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