ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
