Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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