all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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