just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
