I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
