did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize