I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
