If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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