I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
