Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize