Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
