Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
