My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize