He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
