i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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