Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
