Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
