my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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