I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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