So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
