We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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