I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
