she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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