There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
