Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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