I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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