Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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