and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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