Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
