Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
