i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
