i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
