By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
