ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
